A Little Priest

A Little Priest
Performed by
Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter)
Sweeney Todd (Johnny Depp)

Mrs. Lovett: “That’s all very well, but what are we going to do about him?”

Sweeney Todd: “Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place
and bury him.”
Mrs. Lovett: “Oh yeah, of course we could do that. I don't suppose he's got
any relatives going to come poking around looking for him.”
Seems a downright shame...
Sweeney Todd: “Shame?”
Mrs. Lovett: Seems an awful waste
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot's-his-name has--
Had--
Has!
Nor it can’t be traced
Bus’ness needs a lift
Debts to be erased
Think of it as thrift
As a gift!
If you get my drift
Seems an awful waste...
I mean, with the price of meat what it is
When you get it...
If you get it...
Sweeney Todd: “Ah!”

Mrs. Lovett: Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop
Bus’ness never better, using only pussycats and toast
Now a pussy’s good for maybe six or seven at the most
And I’m sure they can’t compare - as far as taste
Sweeney Todd: Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
Mrs. Lovett: Well, it does seem a waste...
Sweeney Todd: Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
Mrs. Lovett, how I did without you all these years
I’ll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
Mrs. Lovett: Think about it!
Lots of other gentlemen’ll
Soon be comin’ for a shave
Won’t they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
Sweeney Todd: How choice!
How rare!
For what’s the sound of the world out there?

Mrs. Lovett: What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
Sweeney Todd: Those crunching noises pervading the air?
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
Sweeney Todd: It’s man devouring man, my dear
Sweeney Todd: And who are we to deny it in here?
Mrs. Lovett: Then who are we to deny it in here?
Sweeney Todd: “These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate
measures are called for.”
Mrs. Lovett: “Here we are, hot out of the oven.”
Sweeney Todd: “What is that?”
Mrs. Lovett: It’s priest
Have a little priest
Sweeney Todd: Is it really good?
Mrs. Lovett: Sir, it’s too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh
So it’s pretty fresh

Sweeney Todd: Awful lot of fat
Mrs. Lovett: Only where it sat
Sweeney Todd: Haven’t you got poet?
Or something like that?
Mrs. Lovett: No, you see, the trouble with poet is
How do you know it’s deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer’s rather nice
Sweeney Todd: If it’s for a price
Mrs. Lovett: Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice!
Sweeney Todd: Anything that’s lean?
Mrs. Lovett: Well, then, if you’re British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it’s clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!
Sweeney Todd: Is that squire
On the fire?
Mrs. Lovett: Mercy no, sir
Look closer
You’ll notice it’s grocer!
Sweeney Todd: Looks thicker
More like vicar

Mrs. Lovett: No, it has to be grocer-- it’s green!
Sweeney Todd: The history of the world, my love --
Mrs. Lovett: Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favours
Sweeney Todd: -- Is those below serving those up above
Mrs. Lovett: Ev’rybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavours!
Sweeney Todd: How gratifying for once to know
ambos: That those above will serve those down below!
Sweeney Todd: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett: It’s fop
Finest in the shop
Or we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun--
’Ere’s a politician, so oily
It’s served with a doily
’Ave one?
Sweeney Todd: Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it’s going to run!

Mrs. Lovett: Try the friar
Fried, it’s drier!
Sweeney Todd: No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
Mrs. Lovett: Then actor
It’s compacter!
Sweeney Todd: Yes and always arrives overdone
I’ll come again when you have Judge on the menu
Have charity towards the world, my pet
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, yes, I know, my love!
Sweeney Todd: We’ll take the customers that we can get!
Mrs. Lovett: High-born and low, my love
Sweeney Todd: We’ll not discriminate great from small
No, we’ll serve anyone--
Meaning anyone--
Mrs. Lovett: We’ll serve anyone--
ambos: And to anyone
At all!