Ampersand

Ampersand
I walk down my street at night
the city lights are cold and violet
i am comforted by the approaching sounds of trucks and sirens
even though the world's so bad
these men rush out to help the dying
and though i am no use to them
i do my part by simply smiling

the ghetto boys are catcalling me
as i pull my keys from my pocket
i wonder if this method of courtship
has ever been effective
has any girl in history said
"sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on"
still, i always shock them when i answer;
"hi my name's amanda"
and i'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand
and even if i went with you i'm not the girl you think i am
and i'm not gonna match you
cause i'll lose my voice completely, yeah
i'm just gonna watch you
'cause i'm not the one that's crazy
yeah …
i have wasted years of my life
agonizing up about the fires
it started when i thought that to be strong you must be flame retardant
And now to dress the wounds calls into question
how authentic they are
there is always someone criticizing me
"she just likes paying hospital"
lying in my bed
i remember what you said
"there's no such thing as accidents"

but you've got the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his-and-hers matching
the daisies all pushing up
in pairs to the horizons
your hands full of ketchup
it's nice that you're trying.
but you've got the headstones all ready
all carved up and pretty
your sick satisfaction
those his-and-hers matching
the daisies all pushing up
in pairs to the horizons
your hands full of ketchup
it's nice that you're trying
but i'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand
and even if i went with you i'm not the girl you think i am
and i'm not gonna match you
cause i'll lose my voice completely no
i'm just gonna watch you
cause i'm not the one that's crazy
yeah
as i wake up, two o'clock
the fire burned the block
but ironically stopped at my apartment
and my housemates are all sleeping soundly
and nobody deserves to die
but you were awful' adamant
that if i didn't love you
then you'd have just one alternative

and i may be romantic
and i may risk my life for it
but i ain't gonna die for you
you know i ain't no Juliet
and i'm not gonna watch you wanna burn yourself out baby
no i'm not gonna stop you
'cause i'm not the one that's crazy -yeah
i'm not the one that's crazy -oh yeah
i'm not the one that's crazy