I Had To Kill A Lot Of People

I Had To Kill A Lot Of People
tonight I...
uhhh, hahaha...
just had to kill a lot of people!
I killed another girl with a chainsaw.
I killed Allan with an ane in the face.
his body is disolving in a bath-tub in hell's kitchen.

I just had to kill a lot of people!
there are no more barriers to cross.
all I have in common with the uncontrollable
and the insane,
the vicious and the evil.
all the mayhem i have caused
and my utter indifference toward it,
I have now surpassed.
my pain is constant and sharp
and I do not hope for a better world for anyone.
in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others.
I want no one to escape.
but even after admitting this,
there is no catharsis.
my punishment continues to elude me
and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself.
no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling.
this confession has meant...
nothing.
I killed my own girlfriend...
with a nailgun.
I killed another girl...
with a chainsaw.
my pain is constant and sharp
and I do not hope for a better world for anyone.
in fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others.

I killed a lot of people.