(This Is) A Fine Romance

(This Is) A Fine Romance
Hmm
A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals
In the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins
To express emotio-ion

A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults, and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance
Hmm
A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
To have, to have the thrills
That a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills
That the march of time has
A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land
As the Ille de France
I haven't got a chance
My heart's not made of plastic
You're the reason I'm sarcastic
'Cause this is a fine, fine romance
Hah!