Xx

Xx
Y'know what? Love is evil, what's the worth?
The hate I have for it - I'm tryna put it into words
When it's requited, it works. If not, it just hurts
And I'm so unloved that for me it's a curse
I'm sick of bein' second thought, I wanna be first
I'll no longer tolerate being treated like dirt
I'm a boy so from a young age I have learnt
To conceal what I feel but I'm going to burst
I didn't have to flirt and I was never a jerk
But still ended up getting shit I didn't deserve
6 months and I'm still not seeing the perks
I'm gurt by mates in relationships so I always come third
It took a year to get rid of the nerves
To tell you how I felt and now their
Uprising from the dark where the lurked
Heartbreak, I'm all too aware of the word
This verse is gonna be deep so sit back and observe
Got me thinking that I'm weak cos I'm still destroyed
You got me under your control like a windup toy
Remember that time I went up to you to say hi and ask you
How you were and you acted like you were annoyed?
Why do that to the person who felt true?
And even true enough to open up and tell you
That brings me to the next thing
I'm so used to rejection and you're so used to rejecting
Then for like 5 days we suddenly stopped texting
I sat by my phone just waiting for the next ding
I loved you but so did like every single guy
So the emotions I had for you weren't special in your mind
I was stupid to think that it would work out
Cos you're way outta my league
But, hey, I'm proud I believed
So far I spent most of 2017
Hurting over you and forever shredding beef
Thought you were an angel that heaven sent for me
And though you are an angel you were never meant for me
I guess there's no cheat code, things like this are painful
It was a gamble to put all my cards on the table
I should've folded but instead I payed to play
I'm outta chips now and I got this caving ache
In my head and still whenever I see your silhouette
My heart races, dances and starts doing pirouettes
Every memory I have of you is so picturesque
And my friends are always saying I should put this shit to rest
I knew you but never actually got to know you
So many parts of me I wanted to show you
But now I'm just amazed that this feeling fuc*** stayed
I guess that its stuck in place and I got so much to say
So I'm scribbling through a riddle or two
Got visions and views of all the times, can't get rid of the mood
Stuck in depression and I'm texting without thinking it through
Cos as it is I got so little to lose
I saw you cry once, remember the time?
I was worried sick about you and you said you were fine
Pretended like you thought you had to be strong for me
I was never strong for you and maybe that was wrong of me
Even when I hated you I tried to treat you properly
No, better than that, I saw you like a proper queen
Don't you fuc*** get it? Do you even understand?
You had value to me that I just can't describe with numbers, man
You lie all the time - just deceive and illude
I found myself pretending to believe it was true
Cos otherwise we'd beef and argue
And that meant I'd be giving up being with you
And what I speak is the truth, no second guesses
And if I get suggestive of having reckless sex
Better bet it represents this little reckless nest that these
Thoughts are stored in and how they get reflected
It's animalistic instinct, I hope it doesn't seem twisted
I hate this feeling and I'm gradually making peace with it
Toxic environment, thank god I can breathe in it
Looking at this chapter of my life thinking please finish
I just wanna give my emotions recognition
It may be cringe but it's my coping mechanism
The pain I went through I just hope its self-inflicted
Love is just a scam, I think you know the rest of this shit
I've never been the one to like a love song
But people have been asking me what the fucks wrong
And I've been asking myself where's the love gone
However I'm still addicted to you and I'm tryna to punch on
I don't wanna say goodbye
Cos even the thought oughta make me cry
Cos you were the one I wanted to stay beside
From here onwards to the day we died
All the jargon that I was spoken with floatin'
Sparks and so I was hopin' and aiming high
Throwin' it under the carpet is maybe wise
I kinda hate it, Why? Was it waste of time?
Tryna paint the darkness, taint and mark it
Overlay the skies for the sake of makin' this situation bright
Lay the tarp, broken-hearted, emotive artist
Dopey half-wit, this pain inside
Will start to slope and I can hardly cope
But I just wanted to see how far we'd go
I'm suffering badly from this scenario
The pain ain't gonna outlast me though