How To Handle A Woman

How To Handle A Woman
ARTHUR:
You swore that you had taught me everything from A to Z,
With nary an omission in between.
Well, I shall tell you what you obviously forgot:
That's how a ruler rules a Queen!
And what of teaching me by turning me to animal and bird,
From beaver to the smallest bobolink!
I should have had a whirl, at changing to a girl,
To learn the way the creatures think!

But wasn't there a night, on a summer long gone by,
We saw a couple wrangling away;
And did I not say, Merlyn: What if that chap were I?
And did he not give counsel and say...
What was it now?... My mind's a wall,
Oh, yes!... By Jove, now I recall.
"How to handle a woman?
There's a way," said the wise old man,
"A way known by every woman
Since the whole rigmarole began."
"Do I flatter her?" I begged him answer.
"Do I threaten or cajole or plead?
Do I brood or play the gay romancer?"
Said he, smiling: "No, indeed.
How to handle a woman?
Mark me well, I will tell you, sir:
The way to handle a woman
Is to love her... simply love her...
Merely love her... love her... love her."